DEAR ABBY: My close friend "Janine" complains to me about the horrible way her daughter speaks to her and always brings up the past. Janine has asked her daughter to forgive her for anything done in her childhood that has caused her grief. She has apologized hundreds of times, but her daughter won't drop it.
Janine's counselor told her to quit allowing her daughter to treat her disrespectfully, so she has stayed away with no contact. Now her daughter has reached out saying she really wants a relationship with her, but they would have to agree to disagree because she wasn't going to change and knew her mom wasn't going to, either.
Janine found religion years ago and she has changed. I told her she needs to establish boundaries for herself and not allow anyone to cross them. She is not really sure how to handle this situation and feels guilty about the whole thing. What's your opinion on this matter? -- PAINED FRIEND IN VIRGINIA
DEAR FRIEND: Not knowing how abusive your friend Janine may have been to her daughter when she was young, I hesitate to render an opinion. I do, however, think it would be in everyone's best interest if Janine would accept her daughter's olive branch ON THE CONDITION THAT THEY SCHEDULE SOME SESSIONS WITH JANINE'S COUNSELOR TO MEDIATE. If they do this, it may be more enlightening and less painful for both of them, and it may open a healthy line of communication.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.