Dear Eric: My husband and I have been married for 30 years. About seven years ago he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and three years ago I placed him in a nursing home. Over that time, I've continued sending cards and money for important events to his children but rarely hear from them.
My biological kids and their children always say thank you. Now it has become a financial burden for me to continue all gifts. Should I tell them or just stop? I haven't heard from the steps for months but not sure what would be best. I am continuing with the biological children, is that unfair?
- Gift Dilemma
Dear Gift: It's not unfair. Gifts aren't owed; they're expressions of love and extensions of relationships. Tell the steps about your plan.
Talking to them about your financial situation and your unmet hopes around gift-giving could also give you an opportunity to talk to them about how they're showing up for their father and any support that you need in his care.
Dear Eric: "Happy Alone", who wrote about wanting to leave social situations because he has very poor hearing, may truly be happier alone, but if he'd like to try to participate in social gatherings or at least a conversation, he might try an app like "Live Transcribe".
My mother is very deaf (Cochlear implant in one ear, hearing aid in the other) and uses this app constantly. It's not perfect, and really not great in crowd situations, but it works well enough in one-on-one (-or two) conversations so that she understands what's going on.
Frankly, it's been a lifesaver for those of us who communicate with her regularly. And it helps her out at doctor's appointments too, because it's a written transcript.
I hope this helps "Happy Alone," unless he's truly more of an introvert.
- Reader
Dear Reader: Thank you for this suggestion. Other readers also expressed how helpful transcription apps have been. Some also mentioned a function on Apple AirPods Pro2 models that can boost conversation in noisy places. "Happy Alone" should talk to his audiologist first about the latter option or other hearing treatments, like Cochlear implants, should he want to explore that route.